Give Me an F, but Hold the U

Oh yeah, talk dirty to me Justice Roberts.

He and the rest of the Supremes took up the matter of potty talk on the airwaves yesterday. If you missed it, the FCC and broadcasters are in a battle over a 2004 FCC policy that says even fleeting use of the world’s worst English dirty words will net the networks colossal fines.

TV execs says the policy is f****d.

Roberts, who without a doubt sports the tightest sphincter on the high court bench these days, says that the F-bomb and anything that comes out of your body that starts with the letter “s” is so obscene, that even spoken so fast as to cause a double take, it’s punishable by fines larger than the gross sales of most companies in this country.

No spit.

Roberts says the F-bomb is indecent because it’s sexual in nature and therefore off limits. What a boob,
It took a little deeper thinker like Justice John Paul Stevens to point out that most instances of the F-word actually don’t refer to the sexual act to where Roberts’ mind runs when he hears it, or almost hears it.

Roberts never worked in a newsroom or a restaurant where there’s much dirty talk and little sexual innuendo and even less sex, at least compared to the judicial quarters out here in Colorado where judges walk the walk and talk the talk.

I remember the first and only time I heard my father utter the Big F. I was 13, standing in the hallway of our home. It was after dinner one night just after Christmas. He was carrying a yellow basket of clean clothes and the hot ashes from his pipe emptied into the basket. I turned as red as the glowing tobacco wad that fell from his pipe and onto my mom’s harvest gold polyester pants suit. It made that kind of an impression on me even though I launched the word among my pals with all the regularity and consideration of heartbeat.

It doesn’t matter whether your f*****g around or talking about finding a way to be fruitful and multiply, the word and it’s associated synonyms are vulgar. I say, stay the course. There’s nothing like whacking even the richest of the rich with a million-dollar fine to get their effing attention.

Then we can all go back to pretending that people don’t talk like that.